Talk:Danger Cries/@comment-7410018-20150318004420
SPOILERS-- Okay, I'm going to apologize in advance because this might be kind of long. As I read I write my thoughts down on a paper and then put it on this comment so yeah. So first off, I like the title. It's hard to find a unique title that hasn't been used yet, that also fits the story, and I think you did it pretty well. The little beginnings ....formatted like this.... are interesting too, and they gave good foreshadowing of the chapter to come. Throughout the story, you have good descriptions, good attention to detail, and the pacing of the writing is good as well. I like the names you used as well. "Leafshade" has to be my favorite. The foreshadowing of the rogues works well, and for some reason I like stories where the Clans are working together. The only thing I would say is that the beginning is a little bit generic. I feel like the "kit lost in a storm by rogues or loners and is found by Clan cats" is a beginning that's a little overused. "I don't think it's a good thing that your brother notices your looks every morning."- that actually made me laugh out loud because that really is gross and it was a good snarky comment. Autumn has to be my favorite character. I actually kind of wanted Shadowpaw to join the rogues because of her, and fight against the Clans. The rogues don't actually seem that evil. To be honest, Rainpaw didn't really interest me that much as a character, but when she sort of rejected Shadowpaw while she was injured, it actually made me feel more things than when she died. I guess rejection is something that I have to deal with a lot and I identify with Shadowpaw. Honestly, I didn't really buy into Shadowpaw and Rainpaw's love, and I didn't really think that story was about that, and I'm glad that you kept it as a subplot. Them confessing their undying love to each other before Rainpaw died was a little bit cliché as well. And it almost seemed like Autumn and Slash sacrificed themselves to Shadowpaw during their fights? Like, I think it's a good ending that Shadowpaw kills them and feels guilt, but it should've been a lot harder. Yeah, I know the whole "I am fighting someone stronger and I almost lose but my rage fuels me and I get up and win" thing is cliché too, but they still basically just gave up and let Shadowpaw finish them. And another thing- just because they are dead it doesn't seem like the rogues should be defeated. If anything, they should be even angrier that their leader was killed and want to fight more. Who knows, Snowflake could want revenge. I just kind of felt like the rogues weren't defeated. And what happens to Shadowflame when he's out on his own? Shadowpaw's guilt did develop well. You are good with working with emotions when writing. Overall, I really liked the story, even though the beginning and the ending were a little bit weaker than the middle. The general flow of the story was excellent, and I could actually visualize what was going on without you using excessive description. I'm sorry that this comment was so long. Nice job :) --END SPOILERS--